Playing With Fire
by RedCoral
Summary: Sequel to A War is Coming: The war has come and gone. The Shadowhunters were victorious, but it only left devastation behind. The Clave is investigating the Great War, Alec is pulling away from Magnus more and more, and Magnus's powers are gone. Will the couple survive or will they go their own way? Will Alec be held responsible for everything? Will Magnus figure out what's wrong?
1. What Happened To Us

**Hello, everyone!**

**I'm back with the sequel. So, this chapter is to introduce the story and for you to tell me what you think about it, if you'd like for me to continue it etc. The song for it is What Happened To Us by Hoobastank.**

**Hope you like it as much as the prequels!**

**Don't forget to check out Intoxic's amazing story Days of War and the Nights of Love. It's truly awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMI.**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 1

The war had come and gone and life was moving forward almost harmonically. The humans still had no idea what had happened that fateful night, except for the ones with the sight. They had kept it a secret though, and all the rest of them knew was that a test-run of a nuclear power regenerator had gone wrong and that thankfully the mechanical engineers assessed the damage in time and managed to contain the consequences to the outer part of New York.

Things in the Shadow World were different though, especially in one specific apartment in Brooklyn, the home of the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane, and the now famous Shadowhunter, Alec Lightwood.

Most of their evenings lately were spent in silence. Both would do things they were comfortable doing around the other, but they both also knew there was something different going on. Ever since the Great War, their relationship's dynamic has changed. It was as if their passion was gone, or locked away somewhere in their heart. The problem was neither of them was really ready to open it.

This evening Alec was lying on the couch absorbed in his mundane book, and Magnus was waiting for an old friend to pick up a potion he needed for a rare spell. He was currently looking for it when the bell rang. "Alec, can you please get it?" he called out to him. When the bell rang again, he realized Alec hadn't heard him and he went to open the door. Usually he would have opened it with a spell, but now he wasn't in the mood to do so. On his way there, he passed the living room and found Alec in the same position he was in half an hour ago, only now he was biting his lip. Only Lilith knew what Alec did to him when he bit his lip so innocently, yet so suggestively. He still felt that stirring in the pit of his stomach every time Alec looked like that. Nowadays, though, he was afraid to act upon it. He shook his head as the bell rang for the third time, giving up on staring at his boyfriend and opened the door. It revealed a man, quite young, with silk white hair and purple eyes, wearing a purple suit with a light green glistening shirt. "Malcolm, my dear. Long time no see!" As the term of endearment slipped his mouth, Magnus saw from the corner of his eye Alec's head snap up from his book and look at the strange warlock with a frown. He didn't give it much thought. His attention was grabbed by his literally old friend.

"Magnus, darling. I'm so thankful you got my message! I was there, at the war. I saw what happened," Malcolm said, talking animatedly, "what you did, and I have to say, it was like nothing I have ever seen before. Now, I know I'm pretty young-"

"You're anything but," Magnus interrupted, but Malcolm didn't falter.

"-but I've never seen or heard of anything that can even come close to it. So much power eliminated from one person…" He shook his head, "Are you alright?" He finally asked, looking Magnus up and down for any sign of distress.

Magnus had no idea what Malcolm was talking about. There were still gaps in his mind from that night, so he knew only what others had filled him in with. No one had mentioned something so extraordinary. Maybe Malcolm Fade was talking nonsense. He did that a lot. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" he asked confused. He looked at Alec in case he had any idea what Fade was referring to, and he saw his boyfriend looking at his book, but obviously not reading it. His posture was tense and his attention was tuned in the warlocks' conversation.

Malcolm looked at his friend as if an alien was standing in front of him. "Are you kidding me? You-"

Before the warlock could finish his sentence, Alec interrupted, clearing his throat, leaving his book on the coffee table as he got up to greet the stranger that was standing in the middle of their apartment. "I don't think we've met," he said extending his hand, "Alec Lightwood."

Malcolm eagerly took it and said "No, we have definitely not." He looked him up and down as if he were a dessert he wanted to devour "Trust me," he smirked, "I'd surely remember such beauty crossing my line of sight," he added with a wink.

Magnus cleared his throat, uncomfortable with his boyfriend being hit on, especially right in front of him.

Malcolm rolled his eyes and introduced himself. "Malcolm Fade, High Warlock of Los Angeles," he said and let go of the Shadowhunter's hand.

"Welcome," Alec said politely and went back to the couch. He did what he wanted to, he had changed the course of their conversation. Magnus didn't know everything about that night. He had no idea of what he had done, and Alec had decided it was better that way. Now he could go back to his book.

Fade whistled slowly as he watched the Shadowhunter walk away, moving his hips in a manly way that could make anyone go crazy. "Damn, Magnus, you've always picked the best of them."

Magnus clenched his teeth. For some reason, he didn't like people talking about Alec as if he was just a piece of meat. "Just let me get your potion," he said, trying hard to remember that Malcolm Fade was his friend and not some werewolf he could punish due to inappropriate behavior.

Malcolm, though, seemed to think it best to follow him, saying, "So, tell me, where did you find that cutie out there?"

Magnus didn't turn around to answer. He just started looking at the selves in front of him for the potion to get Malcolm out of there. "Something tells me that's not your original question," he said suspiciously.

"You're right." Malcolm answered with his cheerful voice. "It's not. When can I ask him out?" He started looking at the shelves too, not to help the other warlock, of course, just out of sheer curiosity.

"Never."

The emotion behind Magnus's voice made the man freeze in his steps. He couldn't explain it, but Bane's voice did not just hold a warning in it, it held a threat too, and a very dangerous one at that. He whistled lowly, "Wow, it's that serious, huh?"

"It is, Malcolm." Magnus sighed.

"Then tell me," Malcolm started in a light tone, "why do you let him sit alone out there with a damn book in his arms and not your magnificent self?"

His tone didn't fool the cat-eyed warlock. He knew the question was serious, but there were also no words in his mind for him to answer it. He kept on looking for the potion while thinking it over. Really, why was he here and Alec was out there? Why were they living in the same apartment, but it felt like they were in a different world? What changed? Before he could find an answer to those questions, he found the potion he was looking for. "Ah, here it is!" he said, faking a victorious tone in his voice. "There you go," he said as he handed the little bottle to the warlock and led him outside.

"Oh, Lilith! Thank you so much, Magnus! You're a life-saver! Well, not really, but close enough." Malcolm kept bubbling about this and the other, but when they reached the door, it was as if his cheeriness faded, and his stoicism took place. "Don't screw it up, Magnus Bane," he said.

Magnus couldn't figure out what Malcolm was talking about. He had been in here, what, like ten minutes? How could he know what was happening in such a short time? What was he really warning him about? Before he could question him about it, his bubbly lazy self came back onto his features as he bid his cheerful goodbye to the warlock.

Magnus closed the door behind him and leaned against it for a moment staring once again at his boyfriend. He missed him. That was true, he did. But at the same time he didn't know how to approach him anymore. He didn't know how to communicate with him. Alec had closed himself off for some reason, he had built a wall between them and he had no idea how to break it down.

He sighed. "I'm going to bed," he said, trying to get Alec get closer to him even if that was just physical. "Are you coming?"

"In a minute. I want to finish this chapter." Alec said without even looking up from his book.

Just as Magnus was about to leave, the doorbell rang. "What did he forget?" he muttered under his breath, expecting Malcolm Fade to be standing there once he opened the door, but to his surprise, no one was there. He looked left and right, but there was no sign of anyone having been there seconds before he opened the door. As he moved to close it, he looked down and saw an envelope lying on the doormat with golden writing on it. He carefully picked it up and closed the door behind him. "A letter," he said looking it over with interest, "it's for you." He looked at Alec waiting for him to react, but it didn't happen. All he did was give Magnus permission to open it, which he did. As he read the words written on the old looking paper with the Clave's symbol at the beginning and the Inquisitor's signature at the end, he said out loud "Do they write mail now?"

That got Alec's attention. "What are you talking about?" he asked while getting up, going to see what that letter was all about. He reached Magnus, who gave him the letter, and read it. The Clave was calling for him to testify. Since he had refused so many times to talk to them, they obviously thought he had something to hide, so the whole war operation was going to undergo a trial and Alec's presence was demanded, as he was going to testify with the Mortal Sword. He read that part again. _'You are being called to testify for your action before, during and after the Great War in the next meeting, and if required, the Mortal Sword will be used.'_ In their language this meant they didn't trust him and they wouldn't hesitate to use it. He couldn't believe it! They had won a war barely surviving it as a race, and now they were questioning their victory? Were they questioning his intentions? If they decided that his intentions as a leader were not clear, what, they would surrender themselves to the demons?! This trial is outrageous! He couldn't believe his father agreed to it! Why couldn't they for once stop sticking to the past and look at their future?!

Frustrated Alec put his hands through his hair and sighed. "Let's go to bed." He said in almost a whisper.

They went to their bedroom, but they didn't talk. Magnus was hesitant to say anything and Alec obviously had no intention of explaining things. They both put on their pajamas, lied on their side of the bed turned off the lights. Magnus knew Alec was awake. He had turned his back on him and he couldn't see his eyes being open, but his breathing wasn't steady. He was still thinking over that letter and Magnus couldn't keep it in anymore, he needed to ask, he needed to know. "Are you going?" He asked, looking at the ceiling. It was barely visible from the light that got in through their balcony doors.

"No." Alec said quietly, without offering any explanation.

Magnus sighed. He felt as if he was forcing Alec to speak to him, but he wanted to know. He wanted to hear his voice. He wanted to have a conversation with him. He just missed him. "Why did you refuse to go?"

Alec turned around to look at Magnus, and balanced his head on his hand. "You were in a coma. I had no intention of leaving you." He said, shocked that Magnus didn't understand that.

Magnus understood that. He knew if he were Alec, he would have done the same thing. But that didn't explain why he didn't want to go now. "But I am awake now, and you're still not going."

"Because I've got nothing to answer to them for!" Alec raised his voice, lying on his back, not looking at Magnus.

Magnus turned on the light on his nightstand, and approached Alec gently. He slipped closer to him and touched his arm in comforting manner. "I know you did nothing wrong." Even though he said that, he still looked at him hesitantly, as if he needed confirmation that he was telling the truth, something that Alec never gave. Nevertheless, Magnus continued. "But they don't."

When Magnus touched him at first, Alec tensed up, but a second later he couldn't help but lean into the touch. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment of tenderness between them, a moment he had come to miss. He kept his eyes closed. He could feel Magnus looking at him, but he didn't dare to look back. He was afraid he would see right through him and would figure out everything Alec was hiding from him. He opened his eyes, and said, "They could if they looked at the aftermath!"

"You know how they are, Alec," Magnus said in a calming voice. He tried to keep a smile from crossing his face when he felt Alec melt right into him. "They're always looking for someone to blame, and this time they're starting with you. Don't let them pin this on you."

Alec sighed. He knew he was being stubborn. He just didn't have anything to apologize to them for. He did what he thought was right at the time and nothing else. He knew that Magnus was right though. If he kept refusing to talk, they would blame him for everything they could find to blame him for. He couldn't let that happen. Not when he was innocent. "Will you come with me?" He asked, looking down at his fingers playing with the sheets.

Magnus touched Alec's face, and pushed it gently towards him, so that he could see into those beautiful blue eyes he could anytime get lost in and said, "Did you really think I'd let you go through this alone?"

Alec gulped. The look Magnus was giving him made his heart skip a beat. The words he said made him feel guilty for pushing him away and they broke his heart because he couldn't let him back in. Even after all of these, even after the pain Alec must have caused him by pulling away, he was still there for him. He couldn't believe how Magnus could do that. "Thank you," he whispered and leaned up to press his lips against the warlock's. It shocked him to feel such yearning for a kiss, it hurt him to feel Magnus's surprise when their lips touched. But they both gave into the kiss, they both wanted to feel the other as close as possible. Alec though pulled away before it could turn into something more. He wasn't ready for that. He looked at Magnus one last time and lied down, turning on the other side of the bed. It killed him to do that. His heart broke every time he turned his back on him, every time he heard the pained sigh of his warlock, every time he felt him look at him longingly. His heart broke into a million pieces, because he was only trying to protect it. He couldn't feel the pain he felt when he almost lost him. He couldn't let his heart be shattered like that ever again. And there was only one person who could rip it out of his chest and break it into a billion pieces, and that was Magnus. Magnus, who even when Alec turned his back on him, he didn't give up. He just got closer to him and gathered him in his arms. Alec's couldn't stop the tears from falling. He wished things were different. He wished he could let his heart love again. Maybe all they needed was time, right? Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe there was still a chance.

Alec will feel again. Right?

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><p><strong>So what do you think? Is it good? Will Alec feel again or will his heart stay numb? Will the couple make it?! I don't know! What do you think?<strong>

**Review, follow, favorite, anything you want! I'd really appreciate if you told me your opinion about this! Even if it's bad, I'd still like to hear it.**

**Till next time...**

**Thank you!**


	2. What About Now

**Hello, everyone!**

**It's time for a new chapter, but before I get to that, let me thank all of you for the response and the support you gave to the story. **

**Thank you all of you who read it, followed and favorited it (if that is even a word.) Thank you for reviewing Crazymalecfan, Mistiously, Intoxic, Guest(guest), soul eater fan and mangaanima, Lindsey7618AwesomeasPercabeth (who reviewed as a guest), TattleTales, and arnangela.**

**Guest: Thank you for your review. Alec is not fixed yet, but he is better in this chapter, don't you think?**

**So, the song for this chapter is What About Now by Daughtry.**

**Don't forget to check out Intoxic's story Days of War and the Nights of Love. I promise you, it's worth your time!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 2

The next morning found Alec alone in their bed. He was feeling cold, missing Magnus's warmth, so he woke looking around for it. He touched the other side of the bed, and found the sheets cold. Magnus must have been up for quite a while. Alec got up in a sitting position on the bed and pushed his hand in his hair in despair. He had slept the best sleep ever since he woke up, in Magnus's arms. But he couldn't give in. He couldn't give in to the pain Magnus could cause him just to get a good night's sleep. He needed to guard himself.

He shook his head. It was too early to be thinking about this. He got up, washed his face and went to the kitchen to find Magnus cooking breakfast. It took him by surprise that he wasn't using magic to do that. He was actually cooking by himself, no outer help whatsoever. "Morning," Alec said, sitting down on the counter watching Magnus move around the kitchen.

Magnus turned around at the sound of his boyfriend's voice, and he found a sleepy Alec staring at him. "Good morning, darling," he said joyfully. Magnus had woken up today with a different mind. He had been staring at Alec sleeping peacefully when he decided to actually make a change between them. He decided to fight for his boyfriend. At first he had thought that if he left Alec alone, the Shadowhunter would figure things out on his own and would talk to Magnus when he was ready. At first he had thought that Alec just needed time. But as it has now been almost a month since he woke up and Alec closed in on himself, he understood that time was not what Alec needed. He needed to feel loved. He needed reassurance and comfort that the worst was over. He had become numb and his beautiful heart was getting colder and colder. Magnus didn't give a damn about what he had to do, he didn't care about what it would take, he just made a promise to himself. He would make Alec Lightwood fall in love with him again. Deep inside, he knew though, it was not going to be an easy task. He only hoped Alec was not too far gone.

Alec found that he really enjoyed watching Magnus in their kitchen. His boyfriend could be a really good cook when he wanted to, even without magic. He watched him flip the pancakes in his dramatic way, some sticking to the ceiling, others coming back on the pan, and he couldn't stop the amused smile from crossing his lips, he couldn't stop his eyes from filling with laughter, he couldn't stop that laughter escaping his lips when Magnus was attacked by one particular pancake, which he barely escaped.

"Why are you laughing? It almost decapitated me!" Magnus said pouting, trying hard not to join in on the laughter, on not letting the light mood that had settled around them carry him away.

Alec sobered up, almost, and said "Come here," spreading his legs, letting his boyfriend stand between them. When Magnus did, Alec pushed back some black strands that had fallen in the way of the caramel skin, "Did the pancake hurt you?" he asked in a tone one would use at a child.

"Yes, it did," Magnus pouted. "Here," he said pointing to the left side of his temple.

Alec smiled widely at his boyfriend's childish antics and pressed his lips in a soft kiss on the spot Magnus had pointed at. "There, all better," he said, looking into those cat-like golden eyes.

"It is." Magnus agreed breathlessly.

The sound of sizzling rang in their ears, accompanied by the distinctive smell of a burning pancake. And just like that, the spell they had been locked in broke bringing them back to reality. Magnus went back to the stove and Alec tried to forget about his troubles just for this morning. For now he would look at Magnus and eat breakfast with him without feeling guilty, without feeling as if things would go sideways, as if this perfect picture would break into a million pieces and reality would set in, without waiting for the other shoe to drop. At that moment it was just them.

A few minutes later, Magnus was setting the table for the two of them, laying out orange juice, coffee, maple syrup, pancakes, marmalade, and anything else he could think of. It was like the breakfast you got at the luxurious hotels, with a buffet filled with anything your heart desired.

As he set the last things on the table, Magnus clapped his hands meaning to fill up their plates with his magic, but nothing happened. He frowned looking at his fingers, and clapped again. Nothing.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked, looking confused at Magnus.

Magnus didn't answer. Instead, he snapped his fingers this time, but still nothing happened. It was as if it wasn't working.

Realization dawned on Alec's face and he reached out a hand to stop Magnus before he tried again. He tangled their hands together, interlacing their fingers, placing a kiss on them, "Don't. It's fine. You're just tired, okay? Don't worry."

"You're right. There's nothing to worry about," he lied, offering a soft smile at his boyfriend's honest blue eyes. Alec was acting better than in quite a while, and he wouldn't let anything ruin that. Something was wrong with his magic, he could feel it. But it was a matter to consider another time, some time when he is alone.

They sat at the table and dug in. When Alec took the first bite, he closed his eyes, a moan escaping his lips, a moan of pleasure given only by great food. "This is delicious," he said. "Are you sure you didn't use magic while making this?" he asked, looking at Magnus suspiciously.

"Do you doubt my cooking skills, Alexander?" Magnus asked, raising an eyebrow at the black-haired man.

"Not at all, Mag." Alec said.

When he heard it, Magnus's head snapped up. Alec was eating, but surely he wasn't mistaken. He had called him 'Mag'. It was the uncreative nickname Alec had for him. It was something just for Alec to call him by and nobody else. He hadn't called him that in a while. He didn't know if it just slipped his tongue, or if he didn't realize he even said it. What mattered to Magnus was that he did.

When they were done eating, a white ball of fur appeared at their feet, moving around, scratching at their legs, whatever part of them it could reach anyway, looking at them with a look you couldn't say no to even if you tried.

"Why don't you feed Chairman?" Alec said, "I'll clean up here."

Magnus agreed and looked in the cupboards for cat food. The thing was that most of the time he just snapped some food in his bowl, but he didn't dare try it this time. He must be just rusty, right? He hadn't used magic in quite a while, so of course he needed to just get back the feeling. However, deep down, he knew this was just a lie.

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><p>When Alec finished cleaning up the kitchen, he found Magnus in the living room, sitting on the sofa with Chairman in his arms and talking to the small kitten. When Magnus saw him walk in, their conversation stopped instantly. "What are you two talking about?" Alec asked sitting next to Magnus as Chairman jumped into his lap.<p>

"Traitor." Magnus mumbled, sticking his tongue out to the little kitten. However the little one paid him no mind. He was comfortable in the Shadowhunter's company. "I was just telling him that he should find a girlfriend or a boyfriend for that matter. I told him that I could be his wingman."

"Let me guess. He didn't really go for it."

"No, the feline traitor, he didn't." Magnus scoffed in a dramatic way.

As if he understood the insult, Chairman turned his back to the warlock. Alec chuckled at the two of them, and when the laughter died from his lips, he went quiet, wanting to ask Magnus a question, but dreading the answer.

Magnus noticed his sudden silence and asked, "What's wrong?"

"I was just wondering," Alec started, looking down at the feline in his lap, petting its little head, "are you sure you're going to come with me in Idris? I know it was unfair of me to ask you and you don't have to-"

"Alexander, stop." He said taking his hand in his. With his other hand he pushed at Alec's chin, so that he could look into those beautiful eyes of his. "I said I'll come with you, didn't I?"

"Yes, but-"

He put a finger to his lips, silencing him, "there are no buts, Alexander. I'm not going to let you go through this alone."

Alec considered this for a moment. "Are you sure?"

"I am, darling. I am."

Alec froze when he heard that reply, the same reply he had heard come out of the same man's lips almost a month ago. The same reply that took his mind back to dark places.

"_Alexander?"_

_That was when reality came crushing down on him, and his legs couldn't hold his body anymore. That was when he heard that hoarse voice calling his name, that voice that he would have recognized even if it just had been a whisper. That was when the legs gave out and he fell to the floor. Next thing he knew was someone being next to him, holding him, pushing his head up. _

"_Alec?" He called once again. "Are you alright?"_

_As he heard that voice again, Alec pulled his head up and looked at those green gold eyes he had almost forgotten. "Are… Are you real?" he asked breathlessly._

_Magnus pushed Alec into his chest, hugging him as hard as he could in his just-woken- up state, he wanted to feel what he had missed for so long. He wanted to feel Alec's heart beat against his chest. He hugged him tightly and let him draw comfort from himself as he said, "I am, darling. I am."_

_He let those arms encircle him a while longer, he let his mind prey on the idea that Magnus was real, that he had woken up and he was alright, that he was there holding him, comforting him. He let his mind feed on the illusion just for a while longer. When reality finally dawned on him, he pushed violently against those arms. He had come here to see Magnus one last time, not to be played by his own mind. "You're not real!" he yelled at the figure in front of him._

"_What?" The figure, that looked so much like Magnus, asked. _

"_You're not real! You're not Magnus! I don't know who you are or what kind of trick you're playing, but you're not him!" Alec kept on yelling._

"_What are you talking about? Alexander, I'm real!" _

"_No, you're not!" When Alec saw the figure wasn't going to stop talking, trying to convince him that he's someone he's not, he covered his ears with his hands and closed his eyes, wishing he weren't able to listen, wishing that this voice would stop penetrating his mind. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You're not him! You're not Magnus! You're not MY Magnus!" he kept on yelling trying to make the figure standing in front of him understand._

"_Alexander, I'm real! I'm right here! It's me, darling, it's me." The voice was getting closer and closer. Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wrapped around his torso and Alec found it hard to get out of them. "Alec, it's me!" At the sound of his name, Alec froze. It sounded just like it did when it had come out of Magnus's lips; the butterflies in his stomach flipped the way they did every time he heard Magnus's voice. "It's me, Alec," he whispered into his ears holding his head still, "I'm here," he heard Magnus say. It was Magnus. It really was him. As he realized, he leaned completely into the touch of the other man, wanting to feel him against his own body, wanting to reassure himself time and time again that he was real._

_The same night he woke up screaming for Magnus, having dreamt that he wasn't really there, that his mind had been torturing him. It took Magnus's touch, Magnus's hugs, Magnus's kisses for him to believe that he was actually there._

"Alec?" Magnus called out to him. One moment he was talking with his boyfriend, and the next Alec was somewhere lost in his own mind. It had happened enough times to know that wherever his mind was traveling, it was nowhere good. "Alec!" he said again, more firmly this time.

Alec was shaken out of his memories by the sound of Magnus's voice. "Uh? What? Sorry. I spaced out."

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked, concerned at the terror and pain written in the blue eyes.

"I'm fine," Alec lied. _At least I will be, _he added into his head. "I'm going to call Robert and get permission for you to get into Idris." Alec said and got his cell phone out of his pocket. As far as he knew Robert was still at the New York Institute, so he called the number he knew by heart. It rung twice before a firm voice answered it.

"_Hello?"_

"Robert, it's me."

"_Alexander. I'm glad to hear from you. Is everything alright?"_

"Yeah, everything's fine." Alec answered politely. "Listen, I got the letter, and I will come to Idris-"

"_That's great."_ Robert interrupted, but Alec went on as if he hadn't said a word.

"-but only if Magnus comes with me."

There was silence on the other end for a while. It was so, that Alec would have thought his father had hung up on him, but he could hear his breathing.

"_Alexander, I do not think you understand the situation you are in. You are being called to testify. This is not a field trip. You are in no position to negotiate."_ Robert answered coldly.

Alec picked up on his father's tone, and for the first time in his life he used the same one right back at him. "Am I not? It's just that Magnus has been talking to some of his friends and he says they told him some pretty interesting things." He said looking at Magnus, who was looking back with an eyebrow raised in question both at the tone and at what he was saying to the other man.

Finally, Robert relented. Alec could hear him breathe tensely, barely holding his anger back. If there was one thing his father didn't like, it was being blackmailed. _"Fine."_ He said through gritted teeth. _"We'll be pleased to be joined by his presence."_

Alec sensed the mocking in his words, but didn't really give them much thought. "Good." He said and hung up the phone.

"So?" Magnus inquired.

"We're leaving tomorrow. But we may have to find some information first." Alec said, biting his lip.

"As long as I get to go with you."

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><p><strong>So, what do you guys think? Do you think the flashback was too much? I did that to clear things out about Alec's feelings, to show you how the war and its consequences broke Alec. I hope I managed to do that.<strong>

**Next chapter they're going to Idris. Or are they? Tell me your thoughts! Also, if you want anything specific added in the story, something you'd like t see, something you think I have forgotten about, don't hesitate to tell me. I'm open to all suggestions!**

**Review, follow, favorite -anything you feel like doind is appreciated!**

**Thank you!**


	3. 2 AM

**Hello, everyone!**

**Here is the next chapter, but first let me thank all of you who followed and favorited the story. Also a big thank you to those who reviewed: red wolf(guest), Guest, Guest, TattleTales, Lindsey7618AwesomeasPercabeth, and Intoxic.**

**red wolf: Thank you for your review! Yeah, maybe one day Alec will be ready to feel Alec. I hope soon...**

**Guest: Thank you for your review! Yes, Alec was a bit better in that chapter and believe me it was not intended. But it turned out as a good thing, right?**

**Guest: Thank you for your review! I hope you like this chapter as well. **

**Don't foget to check out Intoxic's story Days of War and the Nights of Love. It reached its end, but it was amazing. She is writing a new story Sweet Child O'Mine and I'm telling you, it's unique!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMI.**

**Enjoy! (****Btw, the song for this chapter is 2AM by Alexz Johnson.)**

Chapter 3

Alec had been left alone later that afternoon. Since he had indirectly made a promise to his father of promising information from the depths of the Downworld, Magnus had taken it upon himself to complete the task. He had been locked in their bedroom because he didn't want to, and quote, 'to bore Alexander with stupid details and mostly pointless conversations' that he was about to have. And he left Alec to his own devices. But Alec didn't like that. Today had been such a good day and apparently his mind was all for ruining it.

He was just sitting on the couch, he picked up a book, but he wasn't really interested in reading it. His head just kept on going back on today. His lips wore a smile as scenes of today's passing showed before his eyes. But instantly after, he felt the guilt, he felt the coldness slip into his heart and lock away any feelings, any laughter, any warmth he felt because of Magnus. His mind remembered what his heart would feel when things went south again, and he knew they would. The war might have been over, but its consequences were not. He just didn't want to lose Magnus ever again. But you can't lose something or someone you don't really have, right? Deep in his heart he knew he didn't have Magnus. All this time he had been distant, giving Alec his space. He could see it in his eyes every time he had a question, he could see it every time he swallowed it down because he was afraid to ask him anything. Alec had been pulling away slowly and he didn't want to stop, he didn't know how to stop. Most of all he didn't have a reason to stop. Magnus didn't care about him anymore. He was there, but he was just a silent passer-by. Like the ones who watch the crowd trying to imagine their lives, making up stories in their heads, some are depressed, some are happy, some are sad, someone just lost somebody important. Like the ones who speculate about a stranger's life, the ones who knows that even if they offered just a smile, they could make someone's life take a turn for the better, but they still didn't get involved, they still didn't do it. They just stayed passer-bys, outsiders who move along in life, imagining your pain, but still staying as far away from you as possible. That was how Magnus felt to Alec. Sure, today had been different, but he must have been in a good mood, right?

Alec sighed out loud, messing his hair with his hands in despair. He really didn't know what to feel. He was afraid of letting any emotion reach his heart. He was afraid he would be ruined once again like he had been while Magnus was in that coma, and he couldn't let it happen again. That hell he had been in will never be his reality ever again.

He shook his head trying to get rid of these thought and got up, walking towards their bedroom. He thought that maybe he would keep Magnus company, after all. It couldn't be worse than drowning in his own mind. As he closed in, he couldn't help but overhear the current conversation Magnus was having on the phone. He couldn't hear the person on the other end of the call, but he could hear clearly Magnus's response.

"_I told you, I'm fine."_ Alec could feel him roll his eyes at whomever he was talking to.

Whoever was on that other end of the phone didn't agree, because Magnus said _next "I'm not lying – fine. I'm better than yesterday. Are you satisfied now?"_

"_I just.. I feel like I'm losing him Cat."_ He was talking to Catarina. At first Alec was confused about the topic of their conversation, but after hearing the rest of Magnus's words, he understood they were talking about him. _"You know, he hasn't been himself ever since the war. He has been pulling away and… it hurt. It still does, but today things were different. He smiled for the first time in so long."_ He didn't know Magnus felt that way. He didn't know Magnus had noticed that much. He knew he was hurting, he could see it in his cat eyes every time he looked at him, but he didn't know the extent. _"Lilith, you should have seen him, Cat. His smile can light up a whole room. If I get to see that smile, I can wait for as long as it takes."_ He could see the fond smile on his lips, the loving look in his eyes as he talked about today, even though he wasn't currently looking at him. The next words though, chased the air out of his chest.

"_I do. I still am in love with him… and he doesn't even notice."_ Magnus whispered the last part, but Alec still heard him. Magnus was hurting and it was his entire fault. He thought he didn't love him back anymore, but… Alec didn't know if that was true or not. No, he knew, he still loved him, but was he still in love with him? He was scared as hell to find out. He slid down the wall, sitting on the floor, the guilt finally weighing him down and pushing the tears out of his eyes. He was hurting the man he loved and he couldn't find a way to stop, a way that wouldn't tear someone's heart apart. He didn't know whose heart he was most concerned for, his or Magnus's.

"_Why don't you come over, Cat? I haven't seen you in a while and we could talk then."_ Alec tensed. At first he didn't understand why. He liked Catarina and she had helped him plenty while Magnus had been in the coma. But then, he heard about talking some more. What more did they have to say? What did Magnus have to say? Were there more things torturing him that he didn't know about? Did he want to find out?

"_Alright, I'll be waiting. Bye."_ Then Magnus hung up the phone. Just when he thought it was over, Magnus dialed another number. But Alec didn't stay to find out who Magnus was calling this time around. He got up and went back to the living room. He found himself staring out the window, looking at the sky darkening around him. He didn't know how long he sat there trying to calm his racing thoughts, but next thing he knew, the doorbell was ringing and he was moving towards the door to open it.

"It must be Catarina!" Magnus called out still in the bedroom. "Can you tell her I'll be there shortly, darling?"

"Okay," Alec called out and opened the door to find the blue warlock with her white hair up in a bun, and wearing a beautiful flower dress that complemented her complexion. "Catarina, hi. Please, come in," he said and stepped out of the way for her to enter the apartment.

"Hello, Alec. Thank you."

Catarina walked in and she took a seat on an armchair. "Magnus will be here shortly. He's on the phone," he said as he walked towards the couch opposite Catarina and took his seat.

"Of course, he is." She said, rolling her eyes at her friend fondly. "Well, then I guess, we have some time till he shows up. How are you?"

Alec didn't know what to say to that. He didn't know how he felt, he was confused, so he answered as he usually did; bluntly. "I overheard your conversation," he said looking down at his hands. He didn't mean to ever let them know he did, but he needed someone to talk to, and apparently sometimes his mouth had no filter. He looked up alarmed and tried to mend the meaning of his sentence, "I didn't mean to. I was just going to keep him company while he made whatever calls he wanted to make and then I heard him talking to you and my feet froze on the ground. I didn't mean to-"

"Alec," Catarina interrupted his rambling, "I get it. It's okay. I'm not going to bite your head off for it. I'm more worried about how you feel. It… It couldn't have been pleasant." She approached the topic gently and carefully, not wanting to upset Alec by using an interrogatory tone.

"I…I didn't know. I knew he was hurting, I'm not blind, but…"he sighed, throwing his head up. Magnus was hurting every single day he was around him and he still hadn't given up on him, on them. He was still fighting, trying to make things right. He was still trying to get his love back. And Alec didn't know if he could give it to him. He laughed humorlessly, and said "He's the best man in the world and I can't even appreciate that."

Catarina saw his troubled soul splayed out on his handsome face. She felt his pain; she knew how it felt to have someone, but not really have them. To think they are the best person in the world, but only realizing it's true too late. She didn't wish the ending she got to anyone, not even her worst enemy. Maybe if she shared, she could be of help. "You know, I was in love once," she started. Alec looked at her surprised both at the information and the will to share something so personal. "I was actually engaged to him." She smiled fondly at the memory, when he got onto one knee and she said yes. "He was my patient. He made advances on me since the very first moment he met me. He was bedridden, but he was still the most charming man I had ever seen. Of course though, I had no intention of breaking protocol and getting involved with one of my patients. As the days went by he was getting worse and worse. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. Every time I'd walk into his room and I would shake my head softly, telling him there was no news yet again, but he still had a smile plastered on his face. I knew he was going to die soon, he knew it too, but he still smiled. He embraced death as a natural passing. But he had gotten under my skin. I was afraid to admit it back then, but I knew I couldn't let him die, and I didn't. Not long later, he fell into a coma and I… I felt broken. I had gotten used to him being around, to his failing attempts at courting me, to his successful ones at making me laugh. So one night, I slipped into his room and healed him. I made sure afterwards he had no memory of it. All he knew, all everyone knew was that a miracle had happened. He was released from the hospital and I thought I'd never see him again. But even then he was waiting for me every day when I got off work right outside of the hospital. Eventually I gave in, and the next thing I know I was engaged, about to be married to the love of my life. But the life in the hospital got hectic. I was working too many hours, AIDS had just made its appearance and I was working overtime trying to find out what it is, how to cure it. Somehow we couldn't find a date suitable for our wedding. He waited, though, patiently. He wanted me to choose. But I got lost in my work. Every day I saw him, he aged, but I didn't really see it. In my eyes he was the same young man that had been my patient." She stopped. She didn't know how to continue her story. It didn't have a happy ending and that was her fault. She neglected their relationship and she paid the price.

"What happened?" Alec asked in a low voice, not wanting to ruin the mood the room had gotten in during the time of her story telling.

"He died." That was obviously not what Alec expected, but it was the truth. "We never got married. I was so dedicated in my work; I missed what was right in front of me." She looked him then in the eyes, and said "Don't make the same mistakes I did. Don't look at the forest. You're missing the tree. And that tree might hold everything dear to you; it might hold your heart."

Alec took all that information in. He felt sad that she had to go through such an experience. She didn't deserve it, but her fiancé didn't deserve such treatment either. He could see why she blamed herself. He also felt that she understood him, she understood the pain he was in, but she also understood the risks he was taking. She understood that while he is figuring out what his heart wants, Magnus might be long gone then, or even worse, he might be the one gone. Before he had the chance to say something, Magnus strutted in.

"I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, Cat." He said as he walked into the living room, but when he saw the scene in front of him, he stopped. Catarina had a faraway look in her eyes, as if a painful memory had come and gone. He knew those looks. He had worn them himself from time to time. Alec had been ready to speak, but now he was looking down at his hands. "What were you two talking about?" He asked lightly, even though he was curious about their obviously serious conversation.

"Nothing important. Alec, here, was telling me that you are going to go to Idris tomorrow." Catarina lied.

Magnus could see right through it, but he did them the favor of believing it. "We are," he agreed and went to sit next to Alec. "I hope it will turn out into a tremendous trip," he said looking at Alec who looked back at him with emotions in his eyes that for the first time Magnus couldn't decipher.

"Speaking of Idris, I've got to go talk to Jace about tomorrow. See you guys later. Catarina, I was glad to see you." With that he got up and left, missing the sad and disappointed look Magnus was giving him as he was walking away. But just as he reached the door, he realized his departure had been abrupt, his words had cut to the chase, and Catarina was right. No matter what he was going to figure out ahead of him, he knew one thing; he didn't want to lose Magnus. So he turned back around and ran to his boyfriend who was looking at him confused, and as Magnus was sitting down on the couch, he leaned down and pressed his lips against his. At first Magnus was too shocked to respond, but then he felt him return the pressure. He felt him kiss him back with the same passion. Alec broke their kiss to look him into his eyes. He could feel Magnus's breath on his face. They were only an inch apart. As he got lost into those green-gold orbs, he whispered, "I'll be back soon." And then he ran out the door, thinking about what he had done. He couldn't stop the smile that formed on his lips as he closed the door and heard Magnus say pleasantly surprised "Did you use magic on him or something? Because that was…."

He walked to the Institute thinking over that last kiss. It had felt really good. So good that he had felt something stir in his stomach, something his broken heart was not ready to acknowledge yet.

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><p><strong>So, do you think Alec is getting better? Idris will be on the next chapter! What did you think about Catarina's story? <strong>

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**(If you are in the Olicity[Oliver+Felicity from Arrow] fandom, I wrote an one-shot called Pass Me By. If you want, check it out.)**

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	4. Fade Into You

**Hello, everyone!**

**Happy New Year! May all your wishes come true!**

**Okay, first chapter of the year. I'm sorry it took so long to update, but life got in the way and exams are coming in two weeks, so I'm not even going to try to keep a schedule until I am through with all of my obligations. But, I'll try not to take more than a month to update! I don't like it when people udate once a year, it frustrates me even though I understand why that happens, so I'm not going to be that person.**

**Thank you for your reviews TattleTales, arnangela, Lindsey7618AwesomeasPercabeth, red wolf (guest), Guest, Intoxic****, and MortalAcademy. **

**red wolf: Thank you for your review! And yeah, maybe they will get better. We'll see.**

**Guest:Thank you for your review! You can't imagine how much your words mean to me. Thank you! I hope you like this chapter, even if it's much delayed.**

**So, the song for this chapter is Fade Into You from Nashville, sang by Scarlett O'Connor(Clare Bowen) and Gunnar Scott(Sam Palladio). **

**Don't forget to check out Intoxic's story Sweet Child O'Mine. It's worth your time!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own TMI.**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 4

When Alec arrived at the Institute he found Jace and Izzy sitting alone in the library. Nothing had been the same in the Lightwood family ever since their mother had died. Izzy did not talk as much, she didn't even call Alec just to pry into his personal life. She had become this quiet person who went hunting only when she had to, who was fiercer than ever when she fought, not giving second chances and who would sit looking out the window for long periods of time when she was home.

Jace was still with Clary. When he was around her he was soothed of his pain. It never left him, but with her presence he could cope with it better. With her help, he learned to live with the pain, but there was still this broken sadness in his eyes every time Alec locked eyes with his. It was something that had stigmatized him for the rest of time. He was the first one who noticed Alec walk in, "Hey Alec, what are you doing here?"

"Alec's here?" Izzy turned around at the sound of her brother's name and saw him standing in the middle of the room. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, and the smile that took over her face was bigger, so much that it almost felt foreign on her face. She got up from her seat and run into her brother's waiting arms just like when they were little. Being in his embrace made her feel at home, it made her feel like she was surrounded by family even though now two of its members were gone. But with Alec there, it was better. Jace was good to have around too, but now she felt like both of her brothers were here, like her family was there.

When Izzy got out of his embrace, Alec still held her close and looking in her dark eyes he asked, his voice almost a whisper, "Izzy, are you okay?"

Isabelle seemed to understand the seriousness of the question. She seemed to understand that Alec wasn't kidding, that he was going to ask her again and again until she told him the truth. This question wasn't just for her. It was for him too. He needed to know the truth. She smiled softly at him and answered as honestly as she could without admitting she was still having a hard time sleeping during the nights, "I'm getting there." She got back to her seat and on the way there her whole demeanor seemed to change. She put on a cheerful façade that wasn't really fooling anyone and asked, "Now, what are you doing here, instead of being with that hot boyfriend of yours?" She saw his face fall and she almost regretted voicing her question that way. Almost. She knew things were not the same between them anymore. Magnus had told her, but Alec hasn't really elaborated on the subject. "Is everything okay?" She asked carefully.

Alec plopped himself on the empty couch in front of his siblings and shook his head tiredly. "Not really. The Clave wants me to testify for what happened that night," he said, looking at neither of them.

"We know," Isabelle said, "and you know that's not what I asked you about."

She gave him a pointed look and he sighed. He knew his sister wasn't going to give up unless he talked about his feelings. "What do you want me to say, Isabelle?"

"The truth," Jace said. He was actually kind of glad that Isabelle had the guts to bring this up. He knew Alec was not okay. He could feel it through their bond. He got through it so much sadness, such a big amount of it that it sometimes got to him, too. What he didn't know was why Alec was feeling that way now that his life was supposedly getting back on track. Magnus was alive, but it was as if Alec didn't seem to think so.

"I don't know," Alec said.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean I don't know what the truth is, Jace!" Alec exploded. Complete silence took over the room as the two siblings looked at their usually calm brother in shock, as they waited for him to continue. With their silence they were letting him know he could talk to them about anything, that they were there for him whenever he needed them. But Alec didn't want to talk about anything. Talking about things would make them real, and he wasn't ready for them to be real. "Things are… difficult right now, okay? I don't know what I feel, I don't _want _to know what I feel and I just… I need time. Can you give me that?" He didn't mean to sound so frustrated, but he was. He wasn't mad at them, he was mad at himself for being scared of his own self.

Jace looked at him carefully for a moment. He tried to read his face, see if there was anything he was hiding. There wasn't. He was being honest. "Yeah, sure," he said a moment after.

"Thanks." Alec nodded. "We're leaving tomorrow for Idris," he said bluntly. That was the only way he knew how to talk about things. It seemed, though, that this way failed to work on his own self lately.

"What?!" Isabelle asked incredulously. "And you're saying that now? Sometimes, brother, I swear you don't use that head of yours." Isabelle huffed and made a dramatic exit from the library, heading to her room to prepare for what was to come in Idris.

Jace turned to Alec when Izzy left and asked, "Hey, you want to train before you head home?"

"Don't you want to call Clary first?" Alec said raising an eyebrow.

Jace shook his head. "I'll call her on our way to the training room."

"It's not that far, you know," Alec pointed out, implying that the way to the training room might not be enough for one of his phone calls with Clary.

"I know," Jace said and got up from his seat letting Alec follow him. He loved Clary with a fiery passion, he did, but right now he felt like Alec needed him. Sure, he could call her to join them, but then Alec wouldn't be himself as long as she was around. He would be the cold, polite person he was raised to be around others. Jace didn't want him to be that person. He just wanted to be there for his parabatai, to lend him a shoulder to lean on and Clary understood that.

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><p>The next morning came surprisingly fast. When Alec came home last night, Magnus was already fast asleep. The training with Jace had lasted more than they thought it would, followed by a night out hunting just the two of them, as parabatai. They hadn't done that in so long after the war, and Alec had forgotten how exhilarating it felt. The adrenaline rushing through his veins, the sense of accomplishment, the sense of doing something good in the world as they got rid of the evil polluting it. It had all felt foreign at first, but as he got used to the feeling, he was able to get lost in it just like old times. When he woke up after a night full of sleep, he woke up to gold-green cat like eyes staring at him. He closed his eyes again and let a soft smile take place on his lips. He stretched his body first, and when he opened his eyes again he was greeted with one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen.<p>

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Magnus greeted. He had had a good time yesterday afternoon, better than he thought especially after Alec kissed him on his own accord. The rest of the day had gone by uneventfully talking with Catarina, until it had been time for her to head home. When she did, Magnus was left alone to his own devices waiting for Alec to come home. He had called him a number of times, texted him even. But there was no reply. He was worried. He worried himself to sleep. He couldn't help thinking that Alec regretted making that move and now wanted to stay away from him. He was worried that he wouldn't want him to accompany him to Idris. He was worried Alec was going to pull away for good. He slept with those thoughts, but when he woke up and found Alec there, all of this bad energy went out the window. He had spent his morning watching him sleep peacefully, more smoothly than he'd ever seen him sleep lately, until Alec woke up on his own.

"Morning." Alec said sleepily. "What time is it?"

Magnus looked at the clock behind Alec and said, "A little after ten."

That seemed to wake Alec up, because his eyes got wide, and he tried to push the sheets off his body to get up, but Magnus didn't let him. "Why didn't you wake me up sooner? We need to get packed…"

"Don't worry. I did that yesterday." He said pointing at the corner of the room where three purple suitcases and a black one was standing. "I packed for both of us while I was waiting for you to get home."

"Thank you." Alec smiled gratefully at him. He wasn't surprised by the amount of luggage in the corner. He was used it.

"So…" Magnus trailed off, running a finger up and down Alec's arm, "What time did you come back yesterday?" He asked hoping that Alec would elaborate on his own.

"Late," he said looking up at the ceiling. "I went to the Institute and trained with Jace. Then we went hunting, some Drevak demons we had to take care of." He had missed talking to Magnus like that. It seemed like it would be a peaceful morning, like a dream. He fed on the dream, trying to delay reality from settling in as long as he could. He turned and looked at him with a serene expression on his face, "I had missed that, you know? Hunting and all. I had missed how good it felt."

"I'm happy for you." Magnus said and he meant it. He was glad his boyfriend was finding himself again. Maybe, who knows, maybe things will only get better and better from now on. He kissed his forehead and got up saying, "Now, come on. Isabelle and Jace will be here shortly and you're not even out of bed. We need to get ready."

Alec groaned, but he obliged, getting up and hopping in the shower before Magnus took over it.

After his short shower, he got out to find Magnus cooking breakfast. Soon enough they were eating in comfortable silence, stealing glances here and there with Alec blushing every time. This felt a little too much like old times, which gave a tug to Alec's heart, but he didn't stop it from happening. If this was a dream, he wanted to keep on living it.

Just when they had finished eating, the doorbell rang and Magnus went to get it, but Alec stopped him. "Go get ready," he said. "I'll open up and clean up here. We don't want to be late."

"Thank you, darling" Magnus said, kissing Alec on the cheek making him blush for some reason. He needed to get ready fast. He knew how impatient the Clave could get.

"Hey." Alec opened the door and greeted his siblings, "Come in."

"Good morning," Isabelle greeted sleepily, "please, tell me there's coffee."

Alec nodded, "In the kitchen," he said following after her.

"You seem to be in a better mood today," Jace noticed, coming in the kitchen too.

"I am," Alec agreed. "Last night helped, I guess."

"I'm glad it did. Where's Sparkles?" Jace asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"He's in the shower." Alec said, having started cleaning up their leftovers from breakfast.

""You mean he's not ready yet?"

"Shut up Goldilocks." Magnus's voice boomed through the hallway that connected all rooms together. He had obviously just gotten out of the shower and heard Jace talking about him. "My graceful and joyful presence will join you shortly."

Not half an hour later, which honestly was a record for the glittery warlock, Magnus strutted in in a not so flashy, but still elegant outfit, "Didn't take that long, did I?"

"If you mean, you didn't take two hours like usually, then no, you didn't."

"Perfection takes time, blondie. Not that you would know anything about it." Magnus replied immediately.

Alec stepped in to stop their bantering, before it turned into a verbal fight or worse, a prank war. "Where's Clary?"

"She will meet us there," Jace said, "she's coming with Luke and Jocelyn later."

"Okay, then," Magnus said. "Let's go."

They all moved to the living room, and Magnus first of them all faced the little space next to the door of their apartment. It was the only place wide enough to open a portal on, so he faced in its direction and closed his eyes, raising his hands, welcoming his magic to run through his veins. He muttered the words of the spell again and again, trying to find the strength, thinking he's been rusty from not using his powers in so long. He concentrated even more. He shut off all of his surroundings. It was as if he was the only person in the world, and he was summoning his powers to obey him and give him what he wanted. He pictured Idris in his mind, and then projected the image on the wall, all the while willing his magic to create the portal. When he opened his eyes again, he saw the wall being just like before. Just a wall. Nothing more. "This can't be right." He said shaking his head, trying not to panic.

"Magnus?" Alec asked softly, touching his arm.

Magnus started at Alec's touch, but when he saw it was him, he relaxed immediately. "This isn't working," he whispered to him, with sad apologetic eyes, almost giving into the panic now.

"What do you mean this isn't working?" Jace asked confused.

"I mean, I have no powers."

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><p><strong>So... what do you think? Was it worth the wait? <strong>**Is there anything you'd like to see happen here? Are there any predictions for our characters' future?**

**Review, follow, favorite, anything you want! It's definitely appreciated!**

**Thank you!**


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